In The Seven Year Snitch, why is Harry reading Hogwarts: A History already? He's only seven.

Couple points. One, Harry is actually just shy of eight, and I'm no wunderkind, but I was already into heavier books than HAH at that point. Two, and this will become a little clearer later, Snape is not exactly versed in children's needs or capacities and tends to come down too hard on Harry. Furthermore, the other books Harry's into aren't described or anything, but they're meant to be like that Dick-and-Jane Defence book shown in the OotP movie. This isn't one of those Harry-as-the-next-Einstein fics, but he'll end up more studious than canon because of Snape's tutoring.

Why do the Dursleys visit the Florida Disney World in SYS instead of Disneyland Paris?

Two reasons. One, in the original draft, I had a line about Vernon not wanting to spend his money to hear a lot of parlay-voo and eat frogs' legs. It was soon kindly pointed out to me that they speak English at Disneyland Paris and serve all kinds of food; I guess the sarcasm wasn't loud enough. I might end up putting the line back in and taking my chances again, though. I mean, no matter what you do, someone will always take issue, right? Two, when people travel, they sometimes do so to explore the world, even if looking for a specific attraction. If I decided to take a holiday . . . well, my first choice would be to Ghana to visit my sponsored child and Egypt to see the pyramids (all in the same trip), but if it had to be Disney, I'd pick Paris. It isn't always about what's closest.

How can Noddy lie to Snape?

Well, I'm pretty much going on the assumption that Noddy doesn't necessarily lie all the time. For example, he didn't walk up to Snape and say, "That little brat sat around all morning and then demanded his lunch," because if he was going to do that, he would have said it when Snape first came home. It was probably more like Snape suggested it after seeing blank pages on the desk, and Noddy . . . nodded or something. And when he came home, he might have said, "Have you had dinner?" Noddy could have agreed without mentioning that Harry didn't eat. Furthermore, house-elves don't always obey. Dobby and Kreacher strayed plenty of times, and also, the banging in the kitchen was a slight allusion to Noddy punishing himself.

Noddy's first duty is to Snape, and even if Snape never mentioned the name "Potter" over the years, he must have done his share of complaining about being stuck with a child to raise. Noddy, in his own sick way, is protecting his master. He also had his alone time interrupted, and he no likey.

So when are you going to expand on Harry's psychic abilities in SYS?

Quarter to never. Harry isn't psychic. Astral projection is not a psychic ability; with practice, anyone can do it deliberately, but everyone does it automatically when they dream. "Peregrinations" is just a big scary word for "travels".

Is Noddy male or female?

Male. If anyone tells you that the original C1 referred to Noddy as "she," ignore them. They are lying.

Where did you get such a pretentious pen name?

Check out my explanation.

What happened to Godfatherhood?

Check out my explanation.

Why include Lupin in the Simplicity haiku puzzle? A werewolf is not an Animagus.

I never said it was. The "story," which incidentally was in the Humour category, was written on the premise of Sirius's theory that animals' minds are simpler (which is why the dementors had trouble reading him as a dog). All animals. And a wolf is an animal. I think.

Why does Harry take Colin's camera at the end of C3 of On Intercorporeal Maltransference?

Because Harry is a closet klepto. He stole food from the Dursleys all his life, potion ingredients from Snape, and Horcruxes out of the Lestranges' vault, yet no one ever called him on it, preferring instead to accuse him of Petrifying students, Confustucating the Goblet to enter the Triwizard Tournament, and making up wild and crazy stories about Death Eater orgies in Muggle graveyards. He plans to sell the pictures to the Daily Prophet on the off chance that they might make him famous someday.

Seriously, just hold the phone. It'll be a (small) part of an upcoming chapter. I just don't know which one yet. I didn't think it would be that big a deal.

What's the deal with Mrs. Creevey in OIM?

Finally, a legitimate question. I checked the Lexicon while plotting and found the reference to Mr. Creevey being a mailman, but no mention of his wife. I figured, how could two wizards be born to the same Muggle parents? Unless they had, like, twelve kids? I also wanted her to be a witch so she could become involved in the story. Then, after C3 was written on that premise, I found the Creeveys listed under "Muggle-born" on a separate page of the Lexicon. Oopsie.

Where does OIM's title come from?

Ghost Dad. A movie that is even more full of plot holes than my fics, yet worth watching for all that. The same people who "flame" it on Amazon reviews are probably the ones who review Saw or Bring It On with OMGs and eleventy-ones and think Britney should be President. Mostly I'm all for freedom of expression, but sometimes I get the urge to move somewhere where people are a little less shallow.

Why is Harry so cruel to Snape in OIM? The man was a hero!

Er, so was Harry. <sarcasm>Oh, Merlin! Poor, innocent Snape! Someone protect him from that evil creature!</sarcasm>

Seriously, don't even test me on that one. All the emo undying-devotion-my-Patronus-is-now-and-forever-a-doe-oh-woe spew in the Pensieve and the fact that Snape was cleared at the end of DH doesn't alter things much. We were all wrong that he killed Dumbledore out of malice. Other than that, what changed? We always knew he was a spy, and he still got demerits for being a git. If he needed an outlet, why did it have to be a boy he had twenty years on? I don't have a lot of respect for anyone who only picks on those they feel are beneath them somehow (age, money, status, seniority, etc).

Why is the DA doing boggarts in The Wolf and the Lamb? Didn't they do those in third year?

That's also a legitimate question, but I thought about that before writing it. The way I figure, they also did Stunning and Disarming prior to fifth year (and not all members were fifth years), but that doesn't mean everyone was good at all of it. Cho said she'd never been able to Stun anything before. Well, she said that in the movie, anyway, and I'm too lazy to get up and check if she said it in the book, too. Sometimes you get overwhelmed with classes and skim over stuff. The point of the DA seemed to be about getting everyone on the same page, even if that meant going back to basics.

Know what one of my secret dreams is? One day when I have some real mad money to blow, I want to take a high school diploma course. Not GED — anyone can pass that — but the real, full course that takes months and months. I graduated summa cum laude, but there might have been one or two things I missed, plus there's something cool about the idea of going back in time like that and knowing you can fly right through it. And as anyone knows from reading SYS, I apparently flunked first-grade Geography, so I'd like to go back and possibly nullify my less-than-auspicious beginnings.

In The Wolf and the Lamb, is Hermione starting to say "Horcruxes"? Those won't come up until DH! How can she know about them?

Read Hermione's whole paragraph. Scroll to the top and check the category. Rinse. Repeat if necessary.

Mavericks is kind of short and choppy.

Nobody said this, but I'm saying it. I plan to flesh the story out more someday — and I have a lot more details now than when I first wrote it — but I was in a hurry to post right after the election.

You got a problem with Republicans?

No, I have a problem with assholes. I always go with the lesser of the available assholes, and that's always been the Democrat as long as I've been old enough to care.

Why do you use British spellings and slang?

Because the whole HP series is set in GB. I may have flunked first-grade Geography as aforementioned, but I know where Surrey is. (Actually, I don't specifically remember if we even had Geography as a full subject in first grade, but in any case, I always did better in English than any other subject. So I may believe California is a suburb of England, but at least I got all the commas and apostrophes right). It's not done so I can be a poseur. If it were set in Canada, I'd . . . make everyone really polite, and . . . maybe do a Due South crossover or something. When in Rome, y'know?

Why do you always insert humour, even during really sad moments?

Even when dealing with a sensitive subject, there's usually some humour here or there. I'm not trying to be flippant when that happens; it's just how I deal with the world. Things aren't so overwhelming then.

Why do most of your stories include corporal punishment?

That's the kind of hurt/comfort I identify with and write best. I totally understand if you're not into that; I'm not into romance or adventure fics. I don't get upset when I see those stories; I just read something else. Everyone's different. Incidentally, in real life, I would never condone hitting a child (or anyone, for that matter); I really can't explain why I lean that way in fiction. Some people enjoy horror movies like Saw (not me), but they're not very well going to go out and do that to someone. Same deal, I guess.

Why did you stop putting "To be continued . . ." at the end of your chapters?

Here's a better question: Why don't you have anything better to do than notice something like that?

No, seriously, the reason is, when the site started placing the "Review" button in the centre of the page rather than in the drop-down box where alerts and whatnot can be had, it wasn't put directly in the centre, which meant my TBCs didn't line up. Yes, my spice rack is alphabetical and my panties are folded in thirds. I'm an insane control freak. Deal with it.

Which House d'you reckon you'd be Sorted into?

Gryffindor.

How Mary Sue of you.

Indeed. At least the Hat didn't sit there and declare me so special that I practically need my own House.

Really, why Gryffindor? [You're obviously even more brilliant than Dumbledore, so why not Ravenclaw?]

Too kind of you! :o) All I can say is, the House is determined by the dominant traits; plenty of smart wizards in canon seemed to be Gryffindors (and Cedric, purportedly a brilliant kid, was a Hufflepuff). On the surface, I'm not especially brave (as in assertive), but when it counts, I don't flake out. So I reckon I'm a Gryffie.

Think of me as Mrs. Frisby from The Secret of NIMH. I haven't read the book, so just think of the film (where, incidentally, she's Mrs. Brisby.) She's very trembly and shy and never wants to speak up, but in the end, the Stone glows for her. Courage of the heart is very rare . . . the Stone has a power when it's there. Mrs. F/Brisby was shaking so badly she could barely come out to drug the cat, but she did in order to save her son. That's kind of like me. Except no son.

Can't you take criticism in your reviews?

Absolutely. If it weren't for someone pointing out that they thought that the Creeveys were Muggle-born, for example (not "what r u stupid the crevey's are mugGle$," but "Hey, weren't the Creevey brothers Muggle-born?"), I never would have done further research. But after a cold sweat over it, I just didn't think I needed to scrap the whole thing over that small detail. And I have made many changes based on reviews, plus I've got Angels Broken Shadow acting as my "British beta" and feeding me better slang.

In fact, the whole point of this FAQ is to explain the reasoning behind certain things so that it doesn't seem like I'm not interested in reader feedback just because I don't always change the story. I change some things but stick with others. Incidentally, see the GFH explanation if you're wondering about the whole Chapter Two . . . thing. I do, however, have a problem with people who leave unwarranted criticism just to be assholes. And I don't care if you like to snort crack for entertainment, but please don't do it before reviewing; pointing out nonexistent mistakes or asking a stupid question doesn't help me write a better story. And asking (or rather telling) about Harry making the trip to the Creeveys' solely to steal the late Colin's camera is stupid, there's no getting around it.

It's also not kosher to parrot others' reviews. We writers want your opinion, your individual viewpoint, not a summation of what your favourite author's review said. I didn't really like Mona Lisa Smile, but like Julia's character said when a student quoted an expert in her essay, "If I wanted to know what he thought, I'd read his book." And if a reviewer complains about something "stupid" in my fic, like why anyone would use CP on a teenager, but I happen to see a hyped-up you're-my-hero squee-yahoo-eleventy-one review from the same person for another fic with the same plot but more ubiquitous author . . . I tend to get mental images of people crying and swooning at those big amphitheatre religious revivals.

Actually, when I say I "have a problem," that's not entirely correct. I don't take it seriously enough to have a problem over it. But after every fifth nutter or so, I tend to snap temporarily. Too many people hide behind the concrit excuse when all they really want is to feel superior by tearing someone else down; the litmus test for that is whether or not the same person will go at a more popular author (for similar plot holes, readability, etc.) in the same way they did a newbie. Or whether they'll leave a signed review under an established account. I write for a living, but I don't go around tearing other people's articles (or, here, fics) apart. I get it at work, I get it here, JKR gets it, everyone gets it. That's life. But if the teapot didn't have a steam outlet, it would explode.

Why does it sometimes take a while for you to update or reply to a review?

Because my hands/wrists hurt. I love getting reviews and replying to them (always with the hope that the reviewer might then PM me back and start a correspondence), but sometimes they hurt so bad I can't even pop the lid on the laptop. Or the toilet.

I reviewed and didn't get an answer. That was really rude.

The only times I won't respond to a review are if it's anonymous or if replying would be just ridiculous. I mean, if all the review says is "This is so stupid," what do I say? I doubt someone like that really cares about a response, anyway.

For the first three chapters or so of GFH, no one got a response, as I was a new account and unfamiliar with all the features. I didn't realise that you could reply to reviews until I left one for someone and got a reply. (I also didn't have the alert turned on to email me all my reviews, else I might have seen the "Reply" link.) And, as in the End of September 2008 Debacle, sometimes no messages go in or out. I never deliberately ignore anyone except the "This is so stupid" ones.

That said, sometimes it does take longer than it should for me to respond. If my hands are really hurting, I'll often log in to catch up only to give up on the whole thing after two responses. I don't think it's ever taken more than a week, though. If you never got a response to a signed, legit review, it got lost in transit.

So for everyone I missed, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on my stories, and for those I didn't miss, thanks again!